its a loveeee thing...

theres a balance with everything in life. Today I would like to talk about the balance between friendship and relationships. From what I observe there are again three set of people.

1. people that on acquiring a mate, go totally underground and need to be paid to hang out with their old friends
2. people that attempt to juggle the friend/partner time equally
3. people that spend way to much time with their friends and basically have their partner on-call for specific reasons.

So the first type of person. This person is in this situation either out of choice or out of exclusion. They may not have had that many good friends in the first place therefore replacing the mediocre occasional meetings with the partner and basically spending every social moment with them because there isnt anyone else to hang out with. On the other hand they may choose to not hang out with their previous friends either cos they think they are lame, or that they are so much better as a couple and hence no longer need their friends, or cos "our single friends are not interested in what we are interested in" etc. So many reasons, so few that actually cut the bar for me. I know that when two people are really into eachother they would want to hang out as often as possible and I get that, been there done that, got the T-shirt etc. But I dont think it is that healthy because if you only see your world as you+1 or WE then you lose a bit of yourself and isolate your individuality from society I guess. Some of these people I feel have some trust issues and would do well to self-analyze them. I see these people as the relationship-whores. They trade in themselves for the value of a partner and because they give up so much of themselves, they cant ever be alone. Don't get me wrong, if two people are happy in their situation and confident that their relationship is strong, who am I to evaluate it right? I just don't ever see myself choosing this course in my life.

The second type of person is the one that really tries to strike a balance. These people deserve a prize. Sometimes it can be very hard to meet the friends who you were so close to before the hook-up and still maintain a good connection, and still spend as much time as one would want with their significant other. I se that people who manage to strike a perfect balance have more self esteem than the people who constantly need the partner at their side, and they also get to maintain the great friendships that they had cultivated before.

The third kind of people, well...these guys have worse issues than the first group. They basically have a "relationship" as a front or as a title, just so that one can say "i have a partner". Big whoop. Everyone feels lonely at times and you would want someone special ever so often, but if you are just keeping a guy or a gal on hold for those moments and not really caring about them the rest of the time and wanting to hang out with your mates like 90% of the time, then there is obviously something not quite right. Can anyone spell commitment issues? I have seen friends of mine in these sort of relationships, and it just seems like a great waste of time, especially since generally one of the partners is a lot more invested in the "relationship" than the other is. This sort of weekend-thing or for the lack of a politer word fuck-buddy system works for some...not for all.

So the moral of the story is: Communicate with yourself - see what you want, where you see yourself in a few months time, is this person doing it for you? Then communicate with your partner, see what they feel and how they see the relationship. If you both see it fair then golly good luck :) if there is some stuff that you think you can work on...do so and re evaluate later down the line. And if it is time to call it quits..just grow a pair and do it, plenty of fish in that sea, or pond, or teaspoon (depends on what you are looking for)

xoxoP